


Dude, do these tacos taste funny to you?

by First_page



Series: Whump & Webs [16]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Do These Tacos Taste Funny To You, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Peter Parker, Sickfic, Stomach Ache, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Whump, Whumptober 2020, whumptober prompt 22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/First_page/pseuds/First_page
Summary: It's taco Tuesday at the cafeteria and Peter thinks its a good idea to eat 16. It's not a good idea. It's such a bad idea that Tony has to pick him up from school so he can be miserable at home.Whumptober prompt 22: Do these tacos taste funny to youPeter gets a super tummy ache in this one and he gets pretty embarrassed. I PROMISE it doesn't get gross or graphic, but he definitely gets sick.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Whump & Webs [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979068
Comments: 12
Kudos: 101
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Dude, do these tacos taste funny to you?

**Author's Note:**

> When I saw this prompt, I knew it was perfect for Peter. It's also perfect for Tony to flex his dad skills while resisting the temptation to tease poor Peter. I hope you enjoy this light-hearted sickfic :)

Ned practically squeals. “Dude? You’re going to outer space?”

Peter looks from left to right in the crowded school cafeteria and whispers. “Shh. It’s a secret.”

Ned shrugs. “We’re losers. We’re sitting alone. No one is listening to our conversation.”

Peter still keeps his voice down, but his energy is up. “I’m going on my first intergalactic mission. This is huge.”

Ned giggles. “And I thought that unlimited taco Tuesday was going to be the highlight of the day.”

Peter bites into his 15th taco and mumbles with a mouthful of taco goodness. “Yeah, well, taco Tuesday is a close second.”

Ned nods. “This is true.”

Peter sighs. “I wish you could come with me.”

Ned shakes his head. “I am perfectly fine on planet Earth thank you. I’ll leave the planet hopping to the professionals.”

Peter winces. “I’m not a professional. I’m not even a fully-fledged Avenger. To be honest, Mr. Stark still activates the training wheels mode on my suit if I’m not looking.”

Ned points at Peter. “That’s a thing of the past. Once you kick some alien ass, you’re going to be promoted to Junior Avenger, or whatever the entry-level job is. Trust me. Once you have alien combat on your resume, it’s a game changer.”

Peter takes a look at his remaining taco. “Do these tacos taste funny to you?”

Ned laughs. “Dude, after 15 of anything, they start to taste funny.”

Peter shrugs and devours the rest of the taco.

Ned puts a finger under his chin as he goes through the checklist. “Did you pack, yet?”

Peter shakes his head. “The mission isn’t until the end of the school term. Cap says a big mission like going into outer space can’t interfere with my schoolwork so I have to wait, but dude, I don’t know how I’m going to wait that long. Oh, I forgot to tell you the awesome part. They have a teleporter thing at SHIELD, so we don’t have take a plane.” Peter winces at the memory of his panic attack on the Avenger jet plane. It was a few days ago, but the memory is still front and center.

Ned’s eyes almost bug out of his head. “What? You’re going to teleport to another planet? Like _STAR TREK_?! If you don’t videotape that and show me later, I will never speak to you again.”

Peter munches on taco number 16. “Totally, but I really think these tacos are starting to taste weird.”

Ned shakes his head. “Nah. Just add more hot sauce.”

\------

Peter has his head down on his desk as he’s waiting for Chemistry class to start. He moans into the warm nest of his folded arms. “I regret every taco.”

Ned laughs from the desk next to him. “I don’t know about you, but I’m fine.”

Peter turns his head to look at Ned and to breathe. “Well, we all can’t have an iron stomach like you.”

MJ’s heavy books cause a loud thud as she puts them down on her desk. Peter turns his head the other way to face her.

MJ lifts an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you Parker? You look worse than usual.”

Peter moans. “I think I exceeded the legal limit on Mexican cuisine.”

He feels rumbling in his chest and sits up. He lets out a loud burp and winces. “Ugh, I can taste the tacos again.”

MJ cringes. “That’s so gross.”

Peter sighs. “It seemed like such a good idea. Ned and I were in taco heaven. Unlimited taco heaven.”

MJ smirks. “Yeah, well when you two were living your best taco life, I was thinking about why the cafeteria would offer so many. It dawned on me that they are trying to get rid of all the old tacos that they have lying around in the back of the kitchen. They probably didn’t even refrigerate them. Say hello to food poisoning.”

Peter’s stomach rumbles right on cue. He buries his head. “Somebody kill me.”

He gets half-way through class before he’s clutching his stomach under his desk. He’s pretty sure he will get more sympathy from MJ, so he whispers in her direction. “I don’t feel so good.”

MJ frowns. “It’s because you had a dozen tacos, dork.”

Peter winces. “Actually sixteen.”

MJ shoots back a look that’s equally horrified as it is impressed.

Peter groans. “I think I need a pass to the restroom.”

MJ’s eyes soften. “You’re gonna puke?”

Peter blushes as he shakes his head.

MJ tries to stifle a laugh. “Oh my God. Peter!”

Peter shifts in his seat. “I’m not sure if I can make it through the rest of class.”

MJ shakes her head to shake off some of the second-hand embarrassment. “Why are you telling me this?”

Peter grunts as his stomach cramps. “My stomach really hurts. I’m not sure if I should ask for a pass to the boy’s room or the nurse.”

MJ sighs. If Peter’s asking her for help, she should be a good friend and help him, no matter how embarrassing it is. “Ok Pete. I don’t think Mr. Harrington is going to give you a pass. He never lets anyone leave class. If you can hold out until the bell rings, I can walk with you to the nurse. Can you just try to wait?”

Peter bites his lip. “Yeah. I guess I don’t have a choice.”

The rest of the class period isn’t unbearable for Peter, but there’s definitely somewhere else he would rather be. Even so, he makes it through the class and there’s no sweeter sound than the bell ringing.

MJ picks up Peter’s backpack, so he doesn’t have to carry it and she whispers to him. “Still good?”

Peter blushes. “I’m not sure I would tell you if I wasn’t.”

MJ frowns. “We’re all adults here.”

Peter winces as his stomach churns. “None of us are adults here. Ugh, MJ. I think I’m going to throw up.”

Peter bounces his knee, trying to eliminate some of the nervous energy that’s coursing through his body. The thought of getting sick from both ends is a horrible thought as well as a logistical nightmare.

Ned pats Peter on the shoulder. “MJ passed me a note during class, so I know what’s going on. She said that she’s gonna take you to the nurse. I’m gonna to head to the next class and I’ll take notes for you. Feel better.”

Peter nods, grateful that he and Ned have so many of the same classes together.

MJ and Peter make the awkward walk down the hallway. Peter keeps an arm wrapped around his waist and his other arm wrapped around his friend’s shoulders. They make it to the nurse’s office and Peter is dying.

He lets go of the physical and emotional stability of MJ and tries to explain what’s happening to the nurse. He ends up bouncing on his toes and motioning with his thumb to the in-office bathroom. Thankfully, the nurse understands and nods to Peter’s silent request.

Peter races inside the facilities and isn’t sure which female he’s more embarrassed to face when he gets out, the sympathetic looking nurse, or the girl that he had half a chance at romancing (well before today he had half a chance).

When he finishes what he hopes is the only round of unpleasantness, he slowly exits the relief station and peers his head out.

To his relief, MJ is gone and only the school nurse remains. She gives Peter a smile. “Hi Peter. Michelle told me what happened. I already called Mr. Stark and he’s on the way.”

Peter isn’t sure if he’s happy that Aunt May was unreachable or if he would prefer her knowing the details of his ‘illness’ rather than Tony.

Peter walks toward the nurse and leans his hands on the examination chair. “Um, do you have to tell him exactly what’s wrong? Like, all the details?”

The nurse motions for Peter to hop up on the exam table. “I’ll make you a deal. If it’s just a generic stomachache, I’ll just tell him you’re under the weather. If it’s food poisoning, then I have to tell him some of the more embarrassing details. Deal?”

Peter hops up on the exam table, with his feet hanging over the side. He lifts his shirt. “How do you know if it’s food poisoning?”

The nurse presses on Peter’s stomach and he grimaces. She smiles. “It’s tender when I press down. If it were hard, it would point toward food poisoning. I think you have a mild case of gastritis.”

Peter winces. “What’s that?”

The nurse continues to push gently on his stomach. “It’s what you get when eat too many tacos, Mr. Parker. When you were in the toilet, did you have any bloody stool?”

Peter shakes his head quickly. The quicker that he answers the embarrassing stuff, the quicker it will be over. “Nope.”

He hears Tony’s voice before his mentor enters the room. “Alright. Where’s the little patient?” Tony stops and tilts up his sunglasses. “Well hello Nurse. Where can I sign up for what he’s getting?”

Peter frowns. “Ew, gross, Mr. Stark.”

Tony takes his sunglasses off and puts them in his suit jacket pocket. “You know what’s gross? Eating too many tacos and almost pooping your pants.”

Peter’s face turns almost as red as his Spiderman mask. “I didn’t… um…”

Tony smirks. “You didn’t do either of those things? Because a certain goth, loner girl, that you are pining over, called me up and told me the opposite. She also told me that you’d probably lie to me about your condition and that I needed to know the truth to make informed decisions, like taking your hiney to the hospital.”

The nurse gives Tony a different smile than she’s been giving Peter. “Rest assured that I will give you all the details you need before you take Peter home.”

Tony lifts an eyebrow. “You can absolutely give me all the details at dinner this Friday. Do you like Italian?”

The nurse grins. “The food?”

Tony whistles. “Ooo, I like you.”

Tony walks over with the nurse to sign paperwork on the desk and Peter gingerly dismounts the exam table. His stomach is starting to rumble again, but he’s sure if Tony stops flirting and they get going, he will be ok until they get back to May’s apartment.

As Tony and Peter make their way to Tony’s car, Peter doesn’t want to talk, but Tony’s up for small talk. “So, was that a new nurse? I didn’t see her the last time that I picked you up.”

Peter pulls on the car door handle and hops inside. “We have three different nurses at the school. If you meet all of them, it means that I’m getting way too sick, way too often.”

Tony sits in the driver’s seat. “Speaking of sick, if you need me to stop before we get home, don’t be shy. Just ask.”

Peter does not want to talk about _that,_ so he steers the conversation a different way, as Tony steers out of the school bus lane. “Um, are we going to your home or mine?”

Tony puts on his blinker as he merges onto the street. “Mine. I left Aunt Hottie a message that I’m going to have Banner check you out. At this rate he should be your full time doctor. When your friend MJ mentioned it was a stomach thing, I figured that you might want to take the day off from school tomorrow. I wouldn’t want you to do this again on – hmm, what food starts with W? Wings? I wouldn’t want a repeat performance of this on Hot Wing Wednesday.”

Peter frowns. “That’s not a real thing.” His stomach interrupts by growling loudly, and Peter leans forward. He wonders if he can wait.

Tony eases up on the gas pedal. “You need me to take a pit stop?”

Peter winces as he shifts in his seat. “I’m ok. I’ll let you know if it gets bad.” A painful cramp seizes his stomach and Peter corrects himself. “I’ll let you know if it gets worse.”

Peter wipes the sweat off his forehead and Tony flicks on the air-conditioning. He reaches over and puts a hand on Peter’s clammy forehead. “Gotta check you for a fever. Dr. Banner’s orders.”

Peter marches in his seat. “Um, Mr. Stark?”

Tony merges into the right lane. “Gotcha. Pulling over at the next fast food place I see.”

Peter squirms in his seat to an embarrassing degree until they reach a Taco Bell. Tony can’t help but laugh at the irony, but Peter is too busy racing out of the car to be bothered.

When Peter returns, the poor boy slouches down in his seat and moans. “This is the worst day of my life.”

Tony taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “As the adult in the car, I’m obligated to say something inspirational.”

Peter sighs. “Something like, I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned from this?”

Tony smirks. “More like; Your life sucks and I’m glad that I’m not you.”

Peter laughs for the first time today.

Tony laughs as well. “Ok, I think I can do a little better. You made a poor choice to eat more meat, lettuce, and cheese, in a crunchy shell than most, but everyone does dumb things. You won’t die, you’ll just feel like you want to. As much as I like to tease you, I’m not seriously going to make you feel bad about having diarrhea. It happens to everyone. Poop happens.”

Peter looks at Tony. “Did you just say ‘poop happens’?”

Tony sighs. “I was going to say the s-word, but Cap’s decided to start a swear jar. I’m in danger of losing my entire bank account.”

Peter feels a low rumble from his stomach and groans.

Tony flicks on the blinker again. “Pull over?”

Peter shifts in his seat as he nods.

It’s going to be a long drive home.

**Author's Note:**

> I still can't believe how much support and love these stories are getting and I'm so thankful that you like to read them. I didn't quite finish in time to win Whumptober :( but I'm doing Nanowrimo so hopefully when I finish posting the rest of this series, I can have a few oneshots lined up by the end of November :)


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